Magnolia Ridge Apartment Homes

A horrid place to "live"

Magnolia Ridge: The Tale of a Stationary Trailer Park
If your idea of home includes the following, then you will L.O.V.E. this apartment complex:
All utilities included means you are at the mercy of a centralized air conditioning system with a high rate of failure in the summer months. Also, when the temperature drops below 55 degrees, the system automatically turns over to the heating system. If you have a second floor, it will be cold, but the first floor will be a sauna in the summer months. There is virtually no air ventilation in the apartments and none in the bathrooms, not even an operable fan. Mold is abundant, not mildew as they like to refer to it as. BLACK MOLD that they very nicely paint over when you complain enough. The toilets frequently overflow flooding the first floor bathroom and carpets and if you are lucky enough to have a second floor bathroom, the toilet water will come through the first floor ceiling and spill onto whatever furniture you have in your living room through the air conditioning vent. The carpets remain damp and smelly. The garbage disposal will back up and then explode what looks like poo or vomit into the air…if you are agile you should be able to duck fast enough to miss getting hit in the face. You can look at this as an opportunity for agility testing I suppose. If you are a fan of Fear Factor, you should love the vast abundance of roaches to keep your imagination occupied. Have a lot of spare change lying around? No problem, the on-site laundering facilities can help you diminish that problem. They will gladly fail in the middle of your laundering cycle, leaving you with the option of feeding them more money, with no hope of reimbursement from the rental office, or wearing soapy, wet clothes. If you are lucky one of the neighborly tenants will have left fecal matter in the dryer to add a hint of earthiness aroma to your clothes when you dry them. The neighbors often like to mark their territory, which has no limits, by defecating in the poolside urinals, blowing snot out of their nose on the main walkways, hocking loogies poolside and on sidewalks, and where they stop…no fear, they let their animals do the rest. The grass (flourishing weeds) are well fertilized by dog poop…who needs the dog park! You can find it in the most unexpected places on the apartment grounds. No social life? No problem! Your neighbors will provide hours of entertainment at anytime day or night, especially night. I particularly enjoyed watching the pregnant neighbor get so sloppy drunk that she jumped off the second floor balcony during a hurricane party. Want to test your immunities? Jump in the pool or hot tub…I dare you!!! Don’t worry, chlorine can kill most STDs. Don’t know what to do with your post-jazz fest shrimp boots? Not a problem – you will need them to exit your apartment anytime it rains. And for the days following as the water has no place to drain, it just pools and festers. The drains are completely plugged and the maintenance is deplorable. If you are a sound sleeper, this is the place for you. If not, the sounds of your neighbor’s TV or video games may infiltrate your dreams and bring you to far off places where Master Chief invades the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Enjoy gated communities? I am sure the neighboring houses do. The gates at Magnolia Ridge provide the neighborhood with a sound protection system to keep the apartment inhabitants in the complex instead of on the streets. Yep that’s right folks….the only thing seemingly trashy or unwanted in this neighborhood is only feet away from your front doorstep. There is on-site security…he can often be found poolside, making sure all the girls are safe. After talking with many, many of the neighbors, people move in, if they last through their leasing period, they are gone after the first year. Of course, there are exceptions. Living here actually evokes anger from me. I have a countdown calendar till I get out.